Slide into my DMs: A Tumblr Love Story
by satbiym
Summary: Victor Nikiforov's life was good: he had friends to drink with, parents who contacted him semi-regularly, and a job he liked. He was Fine. So why was a message, sent to him accidentally on Tumblr, making him feel like the foundation of his carefully built world was shaking?
1. Chapter 1

_I don't really have a way with words, not like you do. But I want to tell you a story, humor me for a bit, please._ _When I was younger, one day in class my Biology teacher asked us, "If you had a choice… would you choose to feel pain?"_ _The class (and I) thought that this question was ridiculous, and - with the naive certainty of teenagers - shouted, "No pain!"_ _He then said something that I remember till today, "Pain is your body's way of telling you that something's wrong. That hurt is an indication that something needs to be fixed. It's tempting to wish that you were immune to pain, but then… how would you know what needed fixing? Without pain, you could be dying and not know it. The pain you feel is a reminder, a to-do note your body is sending you."_ _I'm sorry you are not doing so well, starling._ _But, your pain, wherever it is coming from, is not an indication that you are undeserving of love or that your worth is somehow lessened. It's just your body reminding you that something needs to be fixed._ _And everything needs fixing someday or another; humans - like machines - need constant repairs._ _Don't beat yourself up for needing maintenance._ _Stay strong,_ _It gets better, but until it does, I'm here if you need anything._

Victor wet his lips, unsure why his chest was so tight or why his lungs felt like they were struggling to draw a breath.

He had opened his Tumblr expecting to field some questions about his skincare routine and maybe try to catch a post from the cute ballet dancer he was lowkey stalking. Victor's mind stalled, treacherous thoughts surfacing unbidden, and he let out a shaky breath.

* * *

 _I came out to have a good time, but I am honestly feeling so attacked right now._

* * *

Victor had learnt early on that no one wanted _him_ , even if they claimed they did. They wanted a carefully curated piece of himself, with all the bad and ugly parts filtered out.

He needed to be the charming son, smiling and beautiful, for his parents.

He needed to be the ethereal but relatable host of his Youtube channel, for his viewers.

He needed to be fun and exciting and _happening_ for his friends.

No one wanted the parts of him that clawed and burnt and stung. So, Victor learnt to smile while his blood raged, and laugh when his spirit ached, and agree when his body felt like crumpling with the weight of living.

Soon, Victor was smiling so hard that he himself forgot about the empty spaces that rested within his soul.

Soon, Victor forgot what it was to feel anything at all.

In a way, it was a relief; to not feel the tiredness, to not wallow in the sadness, the misery, the _loneliness_ that had crawled into his heart.

(But in a way, it also made him forget what it was like to _feel_ )

But it was okay, he internalized the lesson, and locked away the parts of himself that made people look uncomfortable, and silence conversations. He sliced away, with surgical precision, the itch beneath his skin and the tightness in his heart. He only showed the parts that were beautiful, light and easy to handle.

It worked.

Soon, Victor was famous, a _star_ , with friends all around the world, and admirers who claimed to love him.

He was living.

(Even if it didn't feel like it sometimes)

But this life of deception meant that he was always alone when the demons come knocking.

But that was fine.

He could handle it alone, he has certainly had enough practice.

So why was this message on _Tumblr_ affecting him so much?

He felt like someone had looked deep into his soul and managed to see every little thing Victor had tried to secret away, and despite it all, they hadn't turned away, instead, offering a hand of support and love.

Victor had learnt a long time ago that unconditional love didn't exist.

So, why was this message on Tumblr…

Victor started typing, "Thank you. I -"

But before he could continue, messages started popping up in the chat with quick succession.

 _Omg, this was meant for my friend who is having a bad day!_ _I am so sorry, Mr. Nikiforov, I did not mean to disturb you!_ _Please don't block me, I am really, really sorry!_ _OTL OTL OTL_

Victor licked his lips.

And started typing.

 _Hey, no worries._ _What you wrote was really sweet._ _Your friend is lucky they have someone like you on their side_

There.

That didn't sound too desperate, right?

Victor sent it, as quickfire replies started streaming in.

 _Ah… Thank you…_ _I am a big fan of your work._ _I am really sorry to have disturbed you. I swear I will never message you again._ _Sorry again!_

Victor felt threads of panic overtake him as he started typing, fingers quivering as energy thrummed beneath his skin.

 _You didn't disturb me, and if I may be so bold, I wouldn't mind hearing from you again._

Victor waited. Ten minutes turned to fifteen, which turned to twenty.

Only, there was no reply.

Heart crumpling, Victor berating himself, closed the tab.

* * *

 _When you're sad but still have to show them the ol' razzle dazzle_

* * *

The next day, Victor woke up to a notification. Bleary-eyed and squinting at the light, he held the phone over his face and unlocked it.

 _I wouldn't mind hearing from you again, as well._

Victor shouted as the phone fell from his suddenly slack fingers, onto his face with a resounding thump. Makkachin nearby whined in protest at her pillow moving around and disturbing her sleep.

Victor stared incredulously at the message, wondering if the bright screen was playing tricks on him.

Maybe he had dreamed it into existence?

But, still the message persisted.

Victor licked his lips, and went to their profile, something he had forgotten to do last night, only to grawp unattractively; It was _the cute ballet dancer he was lowkey stalking!_

Makkachin huffed as her pillow started making high-pitched sounds, she nosed over to her Victor, only for him to clutch her tightly and continue making that noise.

She licked him worriedly, but he didn't _seem_ unhappy.

Her Victor laughed and jumped up, urging her on by asking if she wanted to go for a walk. Makkachin barked, and jumped out of the bed, following her Victor, putting the strange events out of her mind.

 _I am glad we are on the same page then._ _I have a feeling this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship._


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note:

Those marked with * are not my lines, but I got them from a prompt generator

* * *

Turns out that deciding you wanted to be someone's friend, and actually _being_ a friend are two things of varying difficulties.

Victor bit his lower lip as he tried to wrack his mind for things he could write to continue the conversation, to no avail. The text cursor blinked, mocking him.

Makkachin whined and pawed at Victor's knee, sensing the distress in his mind. Victor gave her a distracted pat, and kept thinking.

Ever since the cute ballet dancer (that he was lowkey stalking) had messaged him, their communication had fallen silent, neither side willing to break the detente that was becoming worse the longer it went on. Victor wouldn't mind being the one to cave first, but _what should he say?_

Victor thought back to his history with making friends, what had he said then? Only to quickly realize that others usually approached _him_ first, and he used to be so eager for companionship that it didn't take much to win him over.

Victor sighed, leaning back in his chair with his eyes shut and hand over his face. It shouldn't be this _hard._ Friendship should feel natural, right?

Guess he'll try again tomorrow.

Makkachin, seeing the space Victor's body had created, leapt up, managing to squish her no-longer-a-puppy's body between the table and Victor.

Victor yelped as his face was quickly and enthusiastically licked, laughing despite everything.

Hugging Makkachin close to him, Victor laid his head on hers, and reached for his phone.

* * *

 _sometimes you just gotta lay on the floor with your dog*_

* * *

 _You have a DOG?_

Victor blinked at the message, received seconds after he had uploaded his selfie with Makkachin on Tumblr.

Well then.

Guess Makkachin saved the day yet again.

 _Yeah. Her name's Makkachin._ _I take it you like dogs?_

There.

Victor sent the casual-and-yet-interested message.

He waited for a second or two, but it seemed as if cute ballet dancer that he was lowkey stalking had gone offline. Victor checked his Tumblr feed murmuring "mood" after a few too relatable posts, while giggling at some and cringing in sympathy at others.

Then his phone pinged.

 _I love them. More than humans tbh._ _I would die for my dog. You know that scene in Brooklyn nine-nine, where Roza says "I just got him but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this station and then myself."_ _That's how I feel._ _About all dogs._

Victor's cheeks were hurting from the force of his smile. He resisted the urge to push his face against the living room carpet and kick his feet back and forth, squealing like a teenager in a movie.

 _That's valid._ _Say, I don't want to distract you if you're busy._

Victor considered deleting the last line, not wanting to give him an out, but not wanting to take up his precious time.

He sent the message, before he could change his mind. He waited with baited breath, and then finally his phone pinged.

 _You're not distracting me, Mr. Nikiforov._ _Why would you think so?_

Victor blushed, and wrote.

 _Your responses seem slower than before._ _And please call me Victor._

Victor sent the text, heart hammering in his chest, holding the phone close to his chest.

The phone buzzed.

 _Oh, sorry! I tend to self-edit a lot, so texting takes some time haha._ _It's nice to meet you Victor, please call me Yuuri._

Makkachin jumped up from beside Victor at the resulting screams, as Victor gave into his inner teenager.

 _Yuuri! Cute-ballet-dance-that-he-was-lowkey-stalking's name was Yuuri!_

Victor, still smiling went back to his phone, typing out rapidfire words that were now coming to mind easily.

* * *

 _Actually, all of my systems are nervous.*_

* * *

The days went by, but Victor observed the passage of time not by his calendar, but by Yuuri's texts.

On Sunday, he learnt about Yuuri's dog Vicchan, an adorable toy poodle who looked like a miniature Makkachin. He learnt that despite how cautious Yuuri was, when it came to topics he was passionate about, his usually well thought-out and slow texting became erratic and impulsive. It was endearing to watch and trigger, a game Victor discovered was fast becoming his favourite.

On Monday, he complimented Yuuri about his latest ballet video which had quickly gained thousands of reblogs on Tumblr, and shares on other social media sites, within twenty-four hours. He learnt that Yuuri was as humble and oblivious as he was beautiful, when Yuuri brushed it off as him being "lucky."

On Tuesday, he (jealously) learnt all about Yuuri's friend Phichit, an up-and-coming social media expert, the reason for Yuuri, who hated non-anonymous social media, having such a strong social media presence.

On Wednesday, he enthusiastically talked to Yuuri about his own life, somehow disclosing things he wouldn't normally reveal if not for the distance the chat box presented, along with the feeling of reassurance Yuuri exuded even through his messages.

 _I love being a makeup artist. The opportunity to remake myself and other people into who they want to be… it's thrilling._ _Every time they open their eyes to see who they've become, they all have the same look of surprise in their eyes. That look is my favourite part._ _Makeup is a good way to hide the parts that you aren't proud of or make you unhappy._ _It's escapism._

On Thursday, they talked about their favourite movies, with Yuuri scandalized that Victor had not seen any Ghibli movie, demanding that they rectify that right away. Victor, with an idea brewing in his mind agreed, taking Yuuri up on his silent offer.

 _Alright. Let's watch one then. You can introduce me to the world of Ghibli movies._

The reply seemed to come slower than usual, but finally Victor's phone pinged.

 _Sure._ _What date would be good for you?_

Victor's heart skipped a beat at the word "date," but he shook himself realizing that Yuuri didn't mean it in that sense.

(But damn if he didn't still hope)

On Friday, Victor and Yuuri exchanged secrets.

 _I didn't actually sell my car, I just forgot where I parked it.*_

 _I feel like a child but I look like an adult and I think it throws a lot of people off.*_

 _Went out with Phichit, and I woke up in my bed, but now it has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.*_

 _If you think you've hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket and they classed it an 'uncharacteristic purchase.'*_

On Saturday, Victor laughed as Yuuri regaled him with stories of him and Phichit in college.

 _And then I said "There's no way a tuba can fit in that tiny ass locker."  
To which he replied, "Not with that attitude."* _

Victor barked out a laugh, texting.

 _And did he succeed?_

The reply was slow, but it came.

 _… yes._

Victor's bent over laughing, unable to stop, ignoring the twinge in his heart.

On Sunday, Victor sighed when he woke up, not able to find the energy to get out of bed, but knowing he had to, for...

It was time to go to work.

* * *

 _You don't know where you're going but you're afraid to turn around so you just keep going while feeling bad because you don't know where you're going.*_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:**

Hey guys!

College has been killing me, but I remembered this story and writing it was so cathartic that it inspired me to ignore my work for this instead...

Which is... a bad idea, bu

Happy Reading!

x

x

 _"You say you're sick, huh? Well, it looks like you've come down with a case of bullshit!"*_

Victor resisted the urge to sigh as a familiar voice roared when he opened the door to his agency. The kids, it seemed, were not alright.

There was some muttering that floated his way, obviously in response to the outburst, but Victor didn't have to spent too long wondering what was being said because...

" _Don't swear so much?! Look bitch, everything about me is colourful. My hair, my skin, my language."*_

Victor's mind whimpered; it didn't have the energy to deal with this. But, it seemed like the choice of whether to engage had been snatched from his hands.

"Victor, There you are! Come join us and see if you can speak some sense into this vicious kitty-cat." Chris drawled, somehow managing to retain his composure despite shouting across the room, a feat no one but him could manage.

Victor let his lips quirk up, hoping the action didn't look as grotesque and unnatural as it felt.

(God, he was… so tired)

Nonetheless, he walked over to where Yuri, Mila and Chris were standing, watching how Yuri started spitting out curses at being called a kitty-cat, _for he was a tiger, damnit,_ as Chris and Mila watched Yuri indulgently. Their bodies were all turned towards the center of their circle, as though they had managed to carve out their own little island in the room; An island Victor could only look at from the sea, trying to swim past the raging currents to the nearby land... But unable to.

The tides were too rough and Victor was tired. 

As Victor made his way to them, he saw that there was a fourth he had missed.

"Hey, Georgi. How's Anya?" Victor asked, glad that his famously unreliable memory had remembered the name of Georgi's girlfriend. Now, he just had to wait for Georgi to wax faux-poetically about his partner and maybe this nasty feeling in Victor's chest would go-

" _Anya!_ " Georgi cried anguished, looking at the ceiling with red-rimmed eyes made all the more dramatic with mascara and eyeliner that clearly _weren't_ waterproof (which was odd as Victor distinctly remembered gifting Georgi a waterproof set a week ago). Victor looked up as well at the ceiling; it was the popcorn kind, which, Victor agreed could cause anguish in and of itself, but Georgi had never seemed to care too much about it before.

Victor cocked his head as Georgie continued staring at the hideous popcorn ceiling with what could only be described as deep-seated torment, like the kind exclusively felt by Byronic heroes. Which, considering the ceiling, was valid.

"Oh, Georgi, baby, it's alright." Chris said softly.

Victor resisted the urge to refute him, that ceiling would never be _alright_.

"Yeah Gosha, she never deserved you anyway." Mila said, her usually bright eyes dimmed.

Victor was starting to feel like this wasn't about the ceiling. He turned to a still fuming Yuri for an explanation who spit out, "Anya left him. But can you blame her? Who the hell would want to stay with someone who doesn't have the dignity to put on waterproof make-up?!"

Chris tsked and with a chiding tone said, "Now, now, Yura, wait till you're older and then maybe you'll understand."

Yuri rolled his eyes and said, "Some grey hairs will make me "understand" why Gosha would willingly want people to know that he is in pain over some _bit_ -"

"Pain isn't a weakness, you know." Victor said lightly, cutting the angry expletive off, continuing, "Pain is not an indication that Gosha is undeserving of love or that that his worth is somehow lessened. It's not something to be ashamed of or something you need to hide. Pain is simply… a reminder that something is wrong and needs to fixed. That's all."

Victor felt a lump in his throat as he narrated the words he had spent hours re-reading and memorizing. And if he could help someone else… it had been worth it.

Victor looked up at Yuri who was staring at him wide-eyed as silence surrounded them, until…

"Well said, Vitya." Chris said, warmth in every syllable, and he turned to Georgi who too was looking at Victor shocked, "See, Georgi, you'll be alright."

Georgi smiled, a trembling thing with muted edges but with hints of sunlight peeking through the cracks, and nodded.

"Alright! Now that that's taken care of, tell us, Georgi, what can we do?" Mila said, voice brighter.

"I want revenge against the scoundrels who dared to take my Anya away from me!" Georgi said, a dark light in his eyes.

Um.

They all stood in silence to process the request.

"Unfortunately, we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.* _"_ Chris said briskly, moving towards the kettle.

Georgi sighed as if terribly inconvenienced and said, "That'll do too, I guess."

Victor resisted the urge to fidget as the rest started talking about something or the other, their words sounding like he was underwater. He wasn't sure where to put his hands, have they always just _been_ there? Hanging by his sides? That didn't sound right.

Conversation flew around him as he tried to tune into it and engage with them, but to no avail.

When did I stop being able to connect with people? Victor wondered. He knew he was technically a part of this group, but… it didn't feel like he was.

"Victor?"

Victor looked up to see them all looking at him questioningly and jolted, putting on another smile that felt like it had been sewed on from the remains of another body, a frankenstein's monster of a smile.

"Yes?" He said, hoping his voice didn't sound dull or diminished. People Magazine had once written that his voice rang with "star-like energy, twinkling and bright, something that could shine light on even the most joyless of souls."

(Victor had back then wondered who lent their light to the stars when the stars needed a light)

"Your hearing going or what, Old Man? Grabby Hands here asked you if you were seeing someone." Yuri groused.

Victor blinked, "Sorry?"

Mila put her chin on her bent knee and said buoyantly, "Oh, we're sharing details about our love lives now, Victor. So, tell us, anyone special right now in your life?"

Oh.

Victor spied the eager looks on their faces at his hesitation, their body language soft and comforting. And… Victor was suddenly eager to let the words spilling against the back of his teeth flow out - his confusion, his hesitation, and (worst of all) his _hope -_ but at the same time felt strangely reticent, wanting to keep this one thing for himself.

So, he smiled, and chimed brightly, "Oh, yes, a special person in my life. I do have someone. In fact, I was with them before I came here."

All their eyes widened and they leaned forward as if to hear Victor better, and Chris, almost haltingly asked, "What's their name, Victor?"

Victor smiled and throwing them a wink, said with blithe disregard, "Why you've met my special someone! It's Makkachin, of course!"

Victor resisted the urge to laugh as they groaned in unison and ignored the looks of disappointment they levied his way. He got up fluidly, and, walking away, cheerfully said, "Anyway, I have got to go now, I'll talk to you guys later!"

For… He had a _date_ to prepare for.

x

x

 **End Note:**

NEXT TIME: A date with Yuuri and some Ghibli movies!

(tbh the reason why that part isn't included in this chapter is because 1) I need to study, pls god 2) I have yet to finish a ghibli movie :head_in_hands:)

All lines marked with * are from colormayfade's prompt generator on tumblr.

Hope you enjoyed that!

Be sure to tell me below if so!

Till Next Time!


End file.
